Last night, I was unable to walk for about 20 minutes. I was moving from the Hollywood 24 movie theater to my car in the parking lot when, somewhat suddenly, the range of motion in my left leg completely left me. I couldn't lift it more than an inch off the ground without intense, lingering pain shooting into my groin and thigh areas.
I moved an inch forward, a step forward, until I reached a tree at one of the landscaped islands in the parking lot. Then, I grabbed onto the tree, tried to steady myself and rest for a moment before continuing forward. Someone else walking through the lot asked me if I was OK.
Since then, my limp's been worse than usual.
Today, I was walking through Phipps Plaza with my friend Aaron. This guy, holding hands with his wife, walked by us. And, in the moment he passed me, his eyes concentrated noticeably on my feet, then moved up my body and hit my eyes.
When he got to my eyes, I broke away from what I was saying to Aaron, muttered an annoyed but direct "Cerebral palsy" to the man and kept walking.
And Aaron, chuckling as we kept walking, whispered, "Da-a-amn," to me.
"What?" I asked. "I just answered the question in his head."
"I know," Aaron said. "I'm just amazed at how you dealt with it."
I get looks like that all the time. Little kids are the only ones to say something out loud or prove brave enough to ask me about it. And, when the kids do ask, their parents are usually embarassed. (That always amuses me, for I don't mind the kids asking about something they don't understand. I object, though, to the kids being taught that it's rude or wrong to ask about something.)
My eighth-grade math teacher Bonnie, who reads the blog, asked me last week if I'd be willing to serve as a "representative gay" for a survey her students have been assigned to do about gay marriage.
I agreed to do it, though I asked her to serve as a go-between to keep my e-mail address from them, and she's supposed to e-mail me their questions sometime soon, which should be fun - and surprising for Bonnie - since I'm not entirely in favor of gay marriage.
I hope this has a fun, educational benefit for the students and for me. I'm curious what they think, for the questions will come from the current senior class at my former high school. I'm curious how they deal with homosexuality and what their thoughts on it are 10 years after I've graduated.
Tonight, I spent hours in my usual gay bar - talking to Jonathan and Michael S. (who wants to help me with my book). And, in the moments when I was by myself, I tried to make conversation with people, and everyone thought I was making a pass at them if I spoke to them for very long, which wasn't always what I was trying to do.
The looks I received tonight, the confused whispers that went on in front of me and the annoyed eye-contact looks made me feel like I was a space alien. Because I could talk and initiate conversation. Because I was maybe sitting at the bar for too long, and they thought I was creepy bar-sitter guy, instead of someone who once worked with Jonathan for about a year.
So I thought over why I was feeling this way, that my brain was working against me.
And I decided that I was overthinking things.
So I relaxed a bit. I avoided the bad-glance people and had a better night, thanks to it.
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