Into the depths of "Hello."

Jenipher used to get mad at me when I called her. Now, Lupo's starting to wonder if I have no sense of phone etiquette. Larry says each phone call from me is a treat because I cut through all the crap and just launch into whatever the hell it is I intended to talk about.

I don't say "Hello" when I call people. And, consequently, I don't say "Goodbye" usually either.

A couple days ago, this got on Lupo's nerves. I was calling him, I think, to talk about the momentary disaster area that was my office building after a breaker exploded and forced us to stop working.

I was so excited and such that I didn't even bother to say hello.

Today, I was calling, wondering about an e-mail that he sent me, and I started in on the question and then remembered, "What was the? ... Uh, hello..."

He cut me off, sounding frustrated ... probably because I didn't say hello. Then, he told me to hold. Then I heard some commotion. Then he told me to hold again.

Then, he was telling me to call back, then he put me on hold again.

So I hung up the phone, figuring I could call him back since he was in the middle of telling me to call him back anyway when he was called away from the phone.

Things are weird. And I'm a rude jackass on the phone.

If you get a phone message from me, usually I launch into some diatribe about whatever situation I'm stuck in themiddle of, rather than just requesting a callback or, I guess, even bothering to be nice and polite.

When calling Jonathan the Bartender once, I left him a message talking about how I wanted to get something to eat and have sex with somebody. When he called back the next day, he told me that the message made him laugh hysterically on his way to work.

I'm not setting precedent here. On "The X-Files," they never said "Hello." At my house, my redneck stepfather answers the phone with his trademark, two-syllable utterance of "Yeah???"

Still, I need lessons in phone etiquette.

Sorry, guys.