My mom just called me to tell me that she hadn't spoken to me in a while. I told her that I'd been busy. I think I last spoke to her shortly after Thanksgiving.
I told her that I'd been doing Christmas shopping. We went down the list of what I've bought for which person, and she asked me what I bought my stepfather. I don't buy my stepfather gifts, and I told her that.
She said, "Yeah, and every year he mentions that."
"Um, I don't like the man," I said. "Why should I buy him a gift?"
"Because it's awkward every year," she said. "You don't even have to buy him something big. Just buy him something."
But I don't want to buy him something. I want him to know that I'm not buying him something.
"You've got to get over this grudge," my mother said to me.
No, I don't.
"My reasons are sound," I said. "You understand them."
"Yes," she said. "But can't you just get him a $20 gift certificate to Home Depot or something?"
If I got him a gift certificate to anyplace, it would be to a family therapy clinic.
I haven't bought my stepfather a gift since the year my broken-down car almost ran me down, and he called me a loser and a faggot and kicked me out of my mother's house, telling me never to come back. I really haven't been back since, so why should I buy the man a gift? Only recently have I gotten around to saying hello to him if he's standing in front of me.
My mother told me that she'd pay for the gift if I'd just go ahead and buy it. I asked her if she'd thought about buying a gift for him and just putting my name on it, and she told me that wasn't the point.
What is the point of these holidays? Does my mother have any idea?
Is the point of a holiday to grit your teeth and bear your way through an occasion with loads of people that you can't stand? Is it for buying a fake gift to show fake affection toward someone who knows you don't like them and knows you have good reason for not liking them?
Really, what is the point of these holidays? I prefer my Thanksgiving with friends to my Thanksgiving with family. I love my mother and my brother, but I hate my stepbrother and my stepfather. So I shouldn't have to sit with people I don't like who don't like me because I've made my feelings pretty damn clear to everyone. So why should I fake my way through things because it makes everyone more comfortable if I do? What is mature and adult about that?
I go to Christmas only when the majority of people aren't there because I don't want to see them. I've not seen my stepbrother's child ever. I don't ever want to see it. He's got a new one coming, and I don't frankly care, other than I hope he doesn't hurt them.
I am not buying a gift for anyone I don't like. And I don't HAVE to do anything.
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