Johnny.

My friend Vic's father died this morning. His name was Johnny, and he was a nice guy. He used to think I was weird, but we'd gotten to the point where we would actually talk if I called his house. He's been ill for as long as I've known him.

I want to be there for Vic, but I don't know what to say. I know it doesn't really matter what I say, so long as I'm there for her. But how do I help her when I can't even figure out how I feel?

My first impulse is to think about how Johnny used to react when I called on the phone. He sounded annoyed. And I was scared of him. The whole thing strikes me as silly now, for he was a really good guy. He just didn't "get" me and made that clear. I didn't really "get" him either. But we came to an understanding.

His family is strong, unlike mine. They're together now, and they're strong.

I love Vic. I love Vic so much that I think she knows it, can feel it, can sense me trying to do the right thing even when I falter or say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing or something. She knows I love her. I hope it helps her.

But I don't know what to do.