Friday, June 03, 2005

Things to do while yentas read the new OPRAH book.

- See Russell Crowe take his shirt off and beat up people in CINDERELLA MAN. Granted, Russell's not been as fun since he became a movie star, but he's still a good actor. (If you rent the Australian movies PROOF or ROMPER STOMPER, you'll get what I mean.)
- Go to the Landmark and see MAD HOT BALLROOM, a documentary about city kids in a dancing competition. The previews have been really, really funny.
- I've heard Oprah's picking a new book today, and I don't know what it is yet. Chances are, it'll be some lengthy, pretentious classic since that's what she's into these days. So, at my bookstore this weekend, housewives with strollers will likely approach me, asking me if we still have any copies of Proust's SWANN'S WAY, Stowe's UNCLE TOM'S CABIN or Dostoevsky's CRIME AND PUNISHMENT or whatever she picks. Instead, if you're gonna read a classic, I suggest you not follow Oprah's pick. Go to the Summer Reading Table, pick up something the local high school is recommending to 14-year-olds and read that. Something fun-yet-challenging like FLOWERS FOR ALGERNON or THE CHOCOLATE WAR. Oh my God, it's worse. She's picked Faulkner! All my Southern lit friends will either be overjoyed or aghast!!!
- Use the new DVD box sets of Steve McQueen and James Dean to determine who was cooler. I mean, McQueen could drive and do his own stunts and get any woman he wanted, but, then, he goes and marries Ali McGraw. Meanwhile, Dean was prettier, bisexual, angry, became more of a legend and, most notably, couldn't drive. The man was able to romance both Natalie Wood and Sal Mineo on the set of REBEL WITHOUT A CAUSE, according to rumors. That takes skill.

- Pay your rent.
- Take out the trash.
- Finish last week's list.
- Read Chuck Klosterman's SEX, DRUGS AND COCOA PUFFS because it's pop-culture-infused and way funny. And Jenipher sent it to you for your birthday with homemade wrapping paper made from photos of really hot guys.
- Talk to a friend about the Runaway Bride's new haircut, which she sported on her day in court.
- Rent the films of director John Cassavetes from Movies Worth Seeing.
- Try to talk Kacoon out of circumcising her unborn son by pulling up "uncut" photos on the Internet and telling fun anecdotes from your own sex life.
- Emily Giffin, a local author I've met a couple times who's really, really nice, has just written a superior chick-lit book called SOMETHING BLUE, which I devoured last weekend in about a day. The book is a sequel to Giffin's SOMETHING BORROWED, which is really good, but SOMETHING BLUE is even better. Giffin's even doing a book signing on Thursday at the Margaret Mitchell House, which I plan to attend.
- This week, I guess I feel like a complete girl because, in addition to reading chick-lit, I'll admit that I went to see THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELING PANTS by myself. I repeat, I was by myself. And, I swear to God, I was the only guy in the room. There were, like, 60 women in there all giggling and crying and bonding and sharing special moments, and I'm the sole Y-chromosome in the entire room. I was embarassed because, well, I was there to see Alexis Bledel because I unapologetically adore GILMORE GIRLS, but I thought all the mothers and pre-teen girls would think that I'm just some creepy guy walking around with his hands in his pockets. My experience at the movie was odd. I sat in that front section and crouched down below a wall so that no one would actually see me in there. Then, um, the movie started. And, well, I laughed. I almost cried. I thought, "Gosh, Alexis Bledel doesn't look the least bit Greek at all, but that fisherman guy she hooks up with is hella hot." I thought, "Gosh, the music in this is sappy." I thought, "Wow, this acting isn't bad, even though the story's a little trite." And then it ended, and I hid in the theater until all the women had cleared out.

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