Friday, June 24, 2005

Things to do if you love (or hate) a parade.

- It's Pride weekend, and it's going to be hot. Damn hot. Beyond damn hot. Or, at least, it usually is. Even when it rains and gets so humid that you feel like you're going to die. If you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, bicurious, straight-but-not-narrow or intending to protest in the name of "saving the American family" while carrying around posters and the Bible, bring lots of sunscreen when you head toward Piedmont Park. Lots. (Just don't put any on your forehead, or it will get into your eyes when you sweat. And then all the people think you're either having a stroke or winking at them. And, except in the case of gym-bodied hotties with surprisingly large bank accounts, usually the attention you'll warrant from that is not the kind you'd like.) Bring earplugs for when you walk by Outwrite or Blake's, because, girl, the music is loud. And bring lots of money, for those bottles of water are expensive. And wear an ironic T-shirt, if you're going to wear a shirt at all, and comfortable shoes. And bring condoms from home, for the free ones they give you are usually flimsy and not the best lubricated. Try not to laugh at anyone wearing a visor. Or anyone sweating in black leather in the middle of June. Or at any of the bare-chested lesbians. If you're from out of town and/or really young, you'll probably enjoy Pride more than if you're local and, um, not new at this, and that's the way it's supposed to be, I think. Have as much fun as possible. Be safe. Be nice. Don't be too bitter. Go to the parade. Hold hands with a boy, if you've got one. (Or girl, if that applies.) Say hello to a friend of yours who's working a booth, for they're stuck there. Try not to get on too many mailing lists, for those people at the ACLU are relentless with their mailouts. And try to remember people's names if you see them naked.
- Lucas Miré is playing at Pride on Saturday. He's part of the QueerStock block on the QTV stage, and he goes on at 6 p.m. sharp. You should go see him perform. I like Lucas. He's nice.
- Write your senator to tell them that you vehemently oppose any flag-burning amendment, like the one that just passed through the House of Representatives. Mention the First Amendment. Quote Michael Douglas in THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT if you have to. (Or Thomas Jefferson, if you prefer actual history to Hollywood's Capraesque movies.) The flag is a symbol of our freedoms, but a symbol should not be more important that the freedoms it represents. Burning the flag remains a valid, legal way of showing you're unhappy with things. Though I clearly don't support jingoism masked as patriotism, I would not burn a flag myself because I respect what it represents. Still, I don't want to have the law mandate that no one can protest in such a manner.

- My friend Stephen at the Tara really, really wants you to go see Miyazaki's new film HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE, and every one of my friends who's seen it tells me that it's excellent and easier to understand than other Miyazaki films. I intend to see HOWL myself this weekend. I don't want to be the only one. Meet me at the Tara on Sunday night, if you want, or go to the Tara some other time this weekend and catch it. It's animated. Disney brought it over from Japan. People like it. See it. See it. See it.
- If you're looking for a goofy, light read, Lupo recommends the new Nancy Drew tell-all CONFESSIONS OF A TEEN SLEUTH, which contains shocking secrets about her extramarital affair with one of the Hardy Boys and lots of dish about the Bobbsey Twins and such. Apparently, Carolyn Keene, the writer of the original NANCY DREW books, was the real Nancy's pudgy, jealous roommate at Bryn Mawr, and her versions of Nancy's real stories got a lot wrong. The new book clarifies things.
- Ex-Klansman Edgar Ray Killen was just given 60 years for murdering three civil rights workers in 1964. To learn more about the case, watch MISSISSIPPI BURNING.
- As I've mentioned before, the Center for Puppetry Arts is continuing its hit show AVANTI, DA VINCI! for a couple weeks, and you can get your tickets on their website. (Hey, Sydney, I mentioned your site again. Isn't it fun how I manage to always mention it? I'm not the least bit subtle about it, either. Isn't that great? AVANTI, DA VINCI! was really great, by the way. Thanks again.)
- MY SUMMER OF LOVE, which looks like a lesbian romance-turned-psycho thriller, is playing at the Landmark. Since it's Pride weekend, go see it. Pssst, some lesbian couples I know are totally like this. They're all in love and moving in together one minute. Then, the next minute, someone's slept with someone else or stolen somebody's money or flirted with someone new on the Internet or one of the cats dies, and it's like FATAL ATTRACTION starring Anne Heche. Yikes ... (My friend Beth, who's sane, nice, smart and beautiful, probably wouldn't like that I just wrote that, considering that I can be just as psycho crazy, but it's Pride weekend - so I reserve the right to tell mean, horrible lesbian jokes.) If you're not into lesbians or Aishwarya Rai, you could go see MYSTERIOUS SKIN at the Landmark, too.
- Jeffrey Deaver, who writes the Lincoln Rhyme books - like THE BONE COLLECTOR, will be doing a signing at the Margaret Mitchell House on June 28. His new book is THE TWELFTH CARD.
- Flirt with someone. Shamelessly. For an example, see below.
- Do your chores.
- Fixate on some issue until you sound atypically politically minded and angry.
- Finish all that stuff from last week's list.
- I got the Pride photo from this guy Brandon's website. I don't know who he is, but I think he's cute. I found the Pride photo through a random Google search, and he's got a good portfolio. Maybe he won't get mad at me for using the photo if I link to his site. For the heck of it, let's all go to his website, then see if he notices. I'm probably violating copyright, but maybe he's a good sport. Who knows? I e-mailed him for permission. He's cool with it. And he's in town this weekend.
- The American Film Institute just released its "100 Years ... 100 Movie Quotes" list, and GONE WITH THE WIND's "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn" is at the top of it. What's your favorite movie quote? Post it in the comments below, citing the movie. My favorite, underrated movie quote comes from Hannibal Lecter in THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS, when he's talking about his patient Benjamin Raspell's murder: "Best thing for him, really. His therapy was going nowhere."
- Meanwhile, has anyone ever actually read GONE WITH THE WIND?
- Finally, instead of watching a good movie you've never seen before (like last week), go all MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 on a really, really awful movie, like SHOWGIRLS, CROSSROADS, THE TRANSPORTER , ANYTHING ELSE or anything else. If you're watching SHOWGIRLS, please memorize the exact, acrobatic movements of Elizabeth Berkeley during the whiplash pool sex scene, then go into a restaurant and recreate them yourself. People will think that you're either imitating a dolphin on crack or that you're having a seizure.

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