Some of my friends know that I write a fake soap opera/reality show for friends of mine from high school, a parody of The WB's HIGH SCHOOL REUNION.
In my show, I'm stuck with several of my Class of '94 acquaintances on a boat in a SURVIVOR-style game where we vote each other off. But, instead of the show taking place someplace exotic, it takes place in my backwater, redneck hometown of Buford. And the boat is on Lake Lanier.
And, instead of any of us playing to win, we all end up caught in each other's drama.
The whole thing works like one big in-joke.
I occasionally update my friends who don't read it about the plot twists, and I summarized for a couple people what's happened so far this season in the below e-mail.
I didn't realize things had gotten this complicated, though.
Read below:
The high school reality show/soap I'm writing is in full swing.
The crazy town psychic just predicted that the valedictorian girl is pregnant with the baby of the class clown that she once dated yet she says she never slept with. He was on the show at one point, but he hasn't been seen since the night she caught him cheating on her and literally threw him overboard from the boat where the show is filmed. She also beat up and imprisoned the girl he was sleeping with - her worst enemy, in fact - in a safety compartment onboard the boat.
After she threw the clown overboard in a raft, she then witnessed something so shocking that she blocked it from her memory - and we're only getting hints as to what happened.
Though she only remembers being nursed back to health by the cool jock she once had a crush on, she woke up the next morning naked in bed with a different man, who was married.
That same night, one of the reality show's cameramen ended up dead. Though the police have declared the cameraman's death an accident, everyone on the show suspects something more sinister happened.
It was also just revealed to everyone that I'm apparently the secret lover of the cool jock that the valedictorian girl has a crush on - and that the jock may have had something to do with the cameraman's death.
Another girl harboring a crush on the cool jock - a former military police officer - thinks that he's rejecting her in favor of the nice, married Christian businesswoman who somehow manages (on the show, only) to constantly beat people up.
The cameraman's former lover, the math teacher who's still on the show, tried to attend his funeral in a recent episode, but she was mobbed by mourners, who threw garbage at her.
In the meantime, the geekish, overweight, virgin girl who always harbored a crush on me in high school is planning her wedding to her redneck boyfriend, but the crazy town psychic suggested that she was actually going to marry someone else - whose name started with a "B."
It's a fun show.
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