My apology letter to fans of my soap opera.

I just posted this open letter on my HIGH SCHOOL REUNION parody's website to explain to them why I haven't written a new episode, featuring me and my friends, in a couple weeks.

Guys,

I was going to keep this a secret, but I've decided that you all deserve to know the true reason why the episodes stopped.

It was because of Dena.

A couple hours after I posted the last episode, in fact, Dena called me on my cell phone with a complaint.

"Don't write about me being pregnant," Dena said to me. "That hits too close to home."

When I asked her what she meant by this, she mumbled to me that she was actually pregnant but that she wanted me to wait until the end of her first trimester so as not to spoil the surprise. Plus, she wondered if her new boyfriend was going to be there for her or if she was going to have to embark upon the challenges of motherhood on her own.

"But I've already written that the baby is yours from a one-night-stand you had with Officer Joey," I told her. "It's what the fans want. And your fictional pregnancy doesn't have to really have anything to do with the real one."

"I don't want you to jinx this," Dena said to me. "Just figure out a way for me to not be pregnant on the show."

For weeks now, I've been posing solutions to Dena, but she says that all of them are complete jinxes. If I have her fall down the stairs while pregnant, like Scarlett O'Hara, she freaks out at me, saying that I mean harm to her real baby. If I make her go on a horse ride to catch CJ before he gets away from her, wherein she miscarries the baby, Dena gets upset. The only thing she liked was when I proposed that she carried the baby to term and left it in the woods for squirrels to raise, but I told her that would take too long to develop. Plus, she didn't want to be upstaged as a mother by a loving squirrel.

So I'm stumped. I don't know how to just kill off this damn baby so that we can get on with the show.

If anyone has any ideas, let me know.

Oh, and don't let Dena know that I let the cat out of the bag regarding her illegitimate baby. Apparently, she doesn't want people to know. (If she denies it, the girl is lying, by the way. She told me. I know.)

Please help.

Thanks.

The real Dena, upon reading this, thought it was hilarious.

I've not been able to work on the show, honestly, because I've been working and planning my trip. But I like this story better.