Jenipher, going through old e-mail, found this thing I wrote her one day when I was bored. It's strange, but I think I'm best at writing horribly involved in-jokes instead of fiction.
To: Jenny Sohn
Sent: Wednesday, June 28, 2000 1:13 PM
Subject: Legend.
Once upon a time, Benjamin fell asleep in a cave far from home and turned into a
dragon.
When Princess Jenipher misspelled his name so that he'd be able to fit in
amongst her kingdom of illiterate followers, he barbecued her with his fire
breath and ate her with potatoes and carrots on a kabob. Her minions weeped,
misspelling her name in graffiti along the castle walls.
Benjamin the Dragon couldn't understand why the masses would weep for Jenipher.
After all, she died as part of a low-cal health food snack. Nonetheless, they
seemed upset.
So Benjamin used his fire breath again and torched their village and all of its
landmarks. The Gregory Peck Auditorium. Tim Daly International Airport. The
Mindy Cohn School for Girls. The Gabriel Resendez Sexual Health Clinic.
Starbucks. Borders. The Brendan Fraser Synagogue. Snacks and Nacho's Snack and
Nacho Bar. Molly's Veterinary Clinic. Small Things. The Young Indiana Jones
Adventure Park. The Dexy's Midnight Runners Memorial. Rick Springfield General
Hospital.
While Benjamin was destroying the village, a lady-in-waiting named Holly and a
guy in a jester's cap approached the dragon and told him to stop. Unfortunately,
the dragon was wearing headphones and listening to a dub tape of They Might Be
Giants songs. While dancing, he accidentally stepped on the couple, crushing
them to death.
Eventually, Benjamin was summoned to the castle by Queen Jan and King Steve,
where he was reprimanded for eating their daughter and wearing jeans without a
belt.
Benjamin the Dragon was forced to leave the kingdom, which really didn't have
all that much left in it anyway.
So Benjamin ventured into a disco kingdom, where he became lost in a sea of gay
people. And he lived happily ever after.
THE END.
Yeah, I'm nuts.
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