Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Holiday redux.

- My brother and his wife, married in April, announced that she's pregnant during the gift exchange at my dad's house on Christmas. So yay. Really yay. As a plus, they waited until everyone had opened all other gifts so that my dad still really appreciated the DVD I bought him. Of course, I bought him BULLITT, and my brother gave him his first grandchild. Guess which gift he liked more?
- This weekend, I saw BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, SYRIANA, MUNICH and RUMOR HAS IT. I saw SYRIANA and MUNICH on Christmas Eve, one after the other. Both of those movies have scenes in Beirut. So it felt, at the time, like I was spending Christmas in a really violent Lebanon.

- My stepdad said racist stuff over Christmas dinner at my mom's - like usual - and spoke of how much he loved MY NAME IS EARL, which probably reminds him of his youth. The son-of-a-bitch expects some gift from me every year, even though he knows I hate him, so I always buy him something cheap and throwaway that I know he'll hate. This year, I got him a book of Sudoku puzzles, which cost me four bucks and should be too difficult for him to figure out.

- At my dad's Christmas party, I argued with this wannabe English teacher named Jessica about the new movie version of PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. She's a Jane Austen purist, so she, of course, hated it. Her version is, quite obviously, the Colin Firth version. I said that her dislike of the movie came from her devotion to the original text and that the movie was actually really good. She called me an idiot. I called her "such a girl." Everyone in the room thought this was exceedingly funny, including the stepgrandparents who now think that this girl is my soulmate. I heard my stepmom's dad walk up to Jessica after the party and say, "You know, I've never heard anybody else talk to him like that before." Upon hearing this story, Kacoon asked, "What, has he never met you before? You argue with everyone."
- My stepmom's dad told me that I kept growing and that I looked like I'd been "well fed." My stepmom bought me Extra Large sweaters. When I told her that I didn't wear Extra Larges, she said, "I did that because they shrink when you wash them." The fuck she did.

- Also, at my dad's Christmas party, I ended up in this long discussion of books with a cool friend of my dad's named Mel, short for Melody. Mel talked me into buying ATLAS SHRUGGED by Ayn Rand. I told her that I'd never read Rand because I thought it would make me ruder and more selfish. She said that it made her feel better about her perfectionist tendencies. I bought the book yesterday. I don't think I'll ever actually read something that long. It's intimidating.
- The stepbrother I don't speak to - and intentionally avoid seeing at all on Christmas by coming after he's gone - bought me a Simon Mall gift certificate. My mom, who knows why I avoid him, gave it to me as I was walking out the door of her house. She didn't want me to freak out in front of her. I haven't bought him gifts in years. I wish he would stop trying to be social and nice with me. I really would rather reminders of him didn't keep showing up every year. I have very good reasons for not wanting him around. Instead, at family gatherings, I look like I'm the rude one holding a grudge. It's stupid.
- Yesterday, I went to Kacoon's house and gave her children their presents from me. Then we ended up playing Risk again for hours. I don't know how to win that damn game.

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