Dear Almodovar ...

Miss Gibson just returned from a week's holiday in Portugal, so I wrote her to ask about the trip. Unfortunately, for some reason, I'd gotten something confused because I didn't know that she'd gone to Portugal. I thought she'd gone to Spain, so I started making all these jokes about Spain and how she'd probably spent nights doing the salsa with sweaty, lustful Spaniards.

"Um, I went to Portugal," she corrected me.

Then, she proceeded to tell me that the trip was fantastic, and now she's bummed about her life.

Since I'm often bummed about my life, too, and had Spain on the brain, I suggested to her that we write a letter to Oscar-winning filmmaker Pedro Almodovar, who discovered Antonio Banderas and has made the great films "Talk to Her," "All About My Mother" and "Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown," and ask to be in one of his movies. I told her that appearing in an Almodovar film would certainly break our lives out of whatever rut they were in.

Inspired, I wrote Pedro Almodovar this letter, sending it through Miss Gibson for her approval.

Dear Pedro Almodovar,

Please let my friend Miss Gibson and I appear in a movie. We're sorta pretty, and our lives suck. We're willing to do anything, even fund our own trips or pass ourselves off as objects whose sole purpose was to serve you.

As I said, we're willing to do anything, though we certainly have our preferences. Miss Gibson says she'd prefer to do some bullfighting, but she says she can't play coma because it limits her range as an actress. I, of course, am willing to do screen nudity - but only if my co-star in the nude scene is Gael Garcia Bernal.

Here is a photo of him, in case you forgot him since making your latest movie:



We think you're the best. And we think that appearing in one of your movies would allow us a moment of greatness - the very thing needed to add a spark to our otherwise humdrum existences.

We're writing you because we believe that you're far wackier than Woody Allen and thus far more likely to say "si!" to our request.

Thanks,

Riley McCarthy

P.S. Miss Gibson wanted me to let you know that she can "can hablo en espanol too!"