Friday, August 26, 2005

Things to do happily ever after.

- THE BROTHERS GRIMM, a Terry Gilliam film with Matt Damon, opens today in theaters, and I wish that I were more enthused about it, but I've heard very little good. I've heard it's visually interesting, which is par for the course from Gilliam, but I've not heard much in way of praise. But, given the slim picking at the multiplex this weekend, I don't have much else to talk about. Except that the cast of THE CAVE is hot, and they'll spend most of the movie wet. I thought JUNEBUG was coming out this week, so I was all excited. But it's not opened yet.
- At the store, while I was looking at this AGATHA CHRISTIE'S ROMANTIC DETECTIVES box set of DVDs, Shalewa and I ended up in this discussion about why we should get married and solve murders together. I was, of course, the one who suggested it. I said that we should get married - but only if we could be a crimefighting duo. I thought our unique chemistry and humors would make us keen TV detectives. And I said that, as a hip, bespectacled, sexy, sarcastic African-American comedienne pop-culture-geek married to a suburbanite, gay, crippled white guy pop-culture-geek, we'd have all potential fan-base demographics covered. And there's not been an Atlanta mystery-of-the-week show since MATLOCK. Shalewa said that our detective business would suffer because she's oftentimes clueless when it comes to remembering where she put her keys, and I probably would be terrible with fistfights or firearms. Still, I bet our witty banter would be damn good. Way better than HART TO HART. I mean, you guys would watch, wouldn't you?

- Speaking of murder mysteries, why in the hell did the show MURDER, SHE WROTE last eight years? I mean, in all seriousness, if someone was murdered every week that you happened to go somewhere, wouldn't you eventually be afraid to leave your house? Why in the hell did people, after about the second year of all those killings, keep inviting Angela Lansbury's character to stay with them? And, if you were plotting to murder someone, wouldn't you wait until a week when Jessica Fletcher wasn't in town? Wouldn't word of her reputation start to get around?

- This week, I watched all eight episodes of PROFIT, a show featuring the hot Adrian Pasdar that was on Fox in 1995 and got cancelled after four episodes. The two-hour pilot for the show, in particular, is one of the most amusingly shocking TV episodes I've ever seen. My jaw dropped at the first commercial break. And then that episode's ending was just great. (Pasdar really is hot, by the way. Pay no attention to the photos where he looks like he's a runner-up in the Al Pacino Lookalike Contest.)
- Keeping with the theme, if you've never read THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES, it's a really good book. It is, thus far, the only Sherlock Holmes I've ever read. Great ending.
- My college film prof Richard Neupert, one of the greatest guys ever and my favorite teacher, wrote an entire book about movie endings. He called it, naturally, THE END.
- Do the usual chores.
- Check last week's list. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- OLDBOY's out on DVD now, and it's completely and totally amazing. Love love love me that Korean movie and all its sick, little twists. Oh, and AUDITION is available on DVD once again, and I've heard sick, twisted things about that one.
- This week's discussion question, I suppose, should continue the theme of this entire column. I don't care if you spoil anything, personally, but if you just want to say the movie title without giving details, go ahead. What's your favorite movie surprise ending? What's the worst, most stupid surprise ending ever? Or, on TV, what's been your favorite cliffhanger? What satisfied you best? What left you with a "Huh ..."? Does any cliffhanger beat "WHO SHOT J.R." on DALLAS? Does PSYCHO feature the best last-act twist ever, or is there something better? Is THE VILLAGE's cop-out, eye-rolling cheat of a "twist" really the worst ending ever filmed? Is the sickest ending from PINK FLAMINGOS, or can one of you come up with anything worse? Let's just talk about the way certain stories turned out. That's it. That's all. Over and out. See ya. Bye. The End.

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