Today isn't the day Benjamin Carr became a great writer. Today isn't the day that he finally quit his dead-end job after four years, decided that now's as good a time as any to go ahead and began to lead a life that didn't feel like he was wasting it by sitting around idly, waiting for something to happen.
Today isn't the day that Benjamin Carr, for the first time in ages, actually took a goddamn risk rather than just talking about it.
Today isn't the day where he finally tracked down and kissed, if only a for a second, a guy he had a crush on in college. Today is more likely another day when he allowed himself to be convinced it wouldn't be right or nice or good enough. Today is more likely another kiss that he got talked out of before going for it.
Today isn't the day when Benjamin took a more daring path. Today is just another day he spent on the same old, safer path - even though it doesn't lead anywhere that Benjamin particularly wants to go.
Benjamin's just like everybody else today. He's looking only at the choices in front of him and determining which one he could maybe be happy with, which one he could maybe settle for.
Today isn't the day when Benjamin tries to be published. Or gets discovered. Or figures out the proper formatting for a submission to a magazine or something that would provide him with greater exposure than the kind he currently receives.
Benjamin's scared of failing today. He's scared of trying. Of succeeding. Of anything other than the life that he knows, even if it's not at all good.
Today isn't the day when Benjamin will meet someone special. Today is more likely the day when Benjamin tries too hard to impress some guy who's really neither interested nor worth the effort.
Today's more than likely another day when Benjamin sells himself short and proves to be his own greatest obstacle.
Benjamin wonders how many more days there are going to be like this one. Benjamin wonders if there's ever going to be a day when he decides to finally, after too much deliberation, break from the routine that's managed to both keep him afloat and keep him shackled to an existence that's robbed him of his ambitions or his feelings of worth.
Benjamin says he wants to make that choice, to be that other guy. But he doesn't. He can't. He's scared.
He doesn't know what to do, and no one else can do anything for him.
He's all right. Not great. But all right.
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