Monday, March 28, 2005

In remembrance of me.

* Sometimes I miss Ash. Sometimes I miss him a lot. The apartment's starting to get messier, and I need to vacuum it. My clean apartment, though, was never my motivation for being in the relationship. I was in the relationship because I love him. Yes, I love him totally. It never would've worked, I fear, but I love him.
* This week, it's my fifth anniversary of leaving CNN. A year ago, I was departing for London to see Miss Gibson, and I want to go back there. I want that almost as much as I want to live with the perspective I had when I was there.
* My brother Dan gets married on Saturday. Many members of my family (the ones I like) are flying in. It should be, once it settles, a great party. I can't help but think about how I'm the only one of my cousins or brothers who'll never marry, at least traditionally. I'm not unhappy with that choice, nor should I be, but it's there in front of me. It makes sense to acknowledge it when it's right there. Of course, I would've preferred to have Ash alongside me this week, but it wasn't up to me. Still, my cousin Holly wanted to meet him.
* Five years since CNN seems like an awfully big milestone. The jobs I chose upon getting fired are the jobs I still have. The person I thought I was is not the person I am, and that's different. It's been five years since I was a traditional journalist. Is that good or bad?
* Lupo's going to London this week for a film studies conference, and Miss Gibson, whom he has not met before, is meeting him for drinks at the Tate Modern. I hope the weather's nice for them. I hope they toast to me from the balcony of the member's lounge, looking out over the Thames at St. Paul's Cathedral. I hope they go to the dimly lit room with all the Rothko paintings. Or to that grand, beautiful mobile with the single lightbulb at its center, if that's still on display. (I suppose they could also pay tribute to me by going to Boots Pharmacy and inquiring about dentistry, going to Shoreditch to find "street art" or asking someone for the time in front of Big Ben, but the Tate was my favorite.)

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