Friday, March 10, 2006

Things to do with a euphemism for impotence.

- The way I justify it to myself, there are a handful of legitimate reasons to watch the likely-awful, badly-titled romantic comedy, FAILURE TO LAUNCH. It has Matthew McConaughey, frequently without his shirt. Granted, McConaughey unfortunately speaks and "acts" in the film and unfortunately has to spend the entire movie pretending that Sarah Jessica Parker is sexy. (OK, I love SJP, but, come on, she ain't sexy. At all.) It has scene stealers Zooey Deschanel and Kathy Bates in it. It also has Bradley Cooper from ALIAS in it, and he's adorable. So I'll probably be at the multiplex this weekend, indulging in yet another guilty pleasure movie.

- This week, DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES star Teri Hatcher admitted in a VANITY FAIR interview that she was molested by an uncle when she was 5. She also admitted that, upon finding out that her uncle was continuing to molest girls and that one of his young victims committed suicide at 14, she helped state prosecutors send her uncle to prison by testifying about her abuse, strengthening their case against the child molester. As a direct result, her uncle was convicted on four counts of child molestation and was sentenced to 14 years in prison. Hatcher says that she was afraid people would think she was testifying to generate publicity for herself, but she did it anyway because she felt it more important to stop an abuser. A lawyer in the case said this about Hatcher, "This is a person who had nothing to gain and a lot to lose. But she volunteered to talk about the most heinous thing that could happen to a child, with no upside for her. It takes a person with a lot of emotional fortitude to do that; heroic is a word that doesn't even do it justice. She is a damn good person, and she knew what the right thing to do was." Other than suggesting you read the article, this isn't really a "Thing to Do ... " It just makes me want to give Teri Hatcher a hug and thank her.

- I've not seen the low-budget Wes Craven original, but this weekend's remake of THE HILLS HAVE EYES looks gross, twisted and creepy as hell. An evil family of deformed, crazy, axe-wielding cannibals stalks and terrorizes a nice, sweet family who happens to drive through a nuclear testing site while on vacation. This sounds a million times worse than what happened when the Griswolds went to Wally World.

- Look at this damn photo. THE SHAGGY DOG looks creepier than THE HILLS HAVE EYES. Worse than that, the great Kristin Davis is in it, playing Tim Allen's wife. Somebody get her a better agent.
- I bought Pat Conroy's THE LORDS OF DISCIPLINE a couple months ago, but I've not touched the book. Has anyone read it? Is it good?
- The first season of KNOTS LANDING, the greatest prime-time soap opera ever made and a former obsession of mine, is getting released on DVD later this month, so I'll finally be able to see exactly what happened when Valene Ewing met Karen Fairgate for the first time. This is cause to rejoice. For those of you who don't know, the show is a spinoff of DALLAS, and it focused the lives of four families from a seemingly normal California cul-de-sac.
- A couple years ago, after my fantastic trip to London, I decided rather abruptly that I wanted to live there, and I still entertain the notion fairly frequently, particularly when life in Atlanta starts to wear on me. When this happens, I have to remind myself that going to London on vacation is vastly different from the life I would have to adopt to actually live there. I would still have my same stresses, still have to work for a living, still have to find a way to pay my bills. Even though it would be London, it wouldn't be an ideal escape. Still, it is, at one point, some place I want to be. THIS WEEK'S QUESTION: If you could live anywhere but here, where would you live? Why there? And how would you make it work and keep it fun?

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