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Last night, I called my friend Marley in Los Angeles because I'd read her review of ALEXANDER on her blog. I called her not so much to ask about the movie but to ask about one of its specific parts.

"So you found it boring?" I asked her.

"It just didn't think it fulfilled its potential," she said.

"Oh, OK," I asked Marley. "But I'm just really curious about one thing, really."

"What's that?"

"Is Colin Farrell naked in it?" I asked her.

"Yes, he is," she said.

"What do they show?" I asked. "Is there any frontal? Can you see anything?"

"They show him disrobe before he gets into bed with the eunuch," Marley explains. "Essentially it's just a shot of his back at first."

"Do they show his butt?" I asked.

"Yes," Marley explained.

"Is it a nice butt?" I asked.

"Yes, very nice."

"That's it," I said. "I'm seeing the movie."

Marley laughed.

"Is that all they show?" I asked her.

"Um, no, they show more than that," she said. "It's essentially a shot of him disrobing, but then he, you know, turns and gets into bed with the eunuch, and, for like a split second, you can see his dick."

"I'm SO seeing this movie," I said.

"He's turning, and you just see it - for like a second - against his thigh when he's stepping into bed," she said. "And, you know, he gets into bed like anyone would get into bed, so it's really fast."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah, you kinda want it to go in slow motion, or you want them to freeze-frame it for a while, but they don't," Marley said. "But that's why I'm going to get the DVD."

"So you don't really see it?" I asked. "Do you really have to look for it?"

"No, you can see it," she assured me. "And ... um ... it's really big."

"Really?"

"Yeah ..."

"I've heard," I said. "I can't believe they cut that shot out of A HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD."

"Oh, I know," Marley said.



"I mean, it was so clear in the movie that they cut it out," I said. "I mean, they filmed it and threw it out. But, like, in the movie, they take the camera, they pan it down, his fly gets undone ... and then nothing."

"I know," Marley said. "I was so mad. I just wanted to, you know, reach into the screen and move the camera myself. Pan down. Pan down."

"How gay is ALEXANDER?" I asked her.

"I don't know why they're all making such a big deal out of his bisexuality in this one," Marley said. "I mean, he did gayer stuff in A HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD. Here, he just, you know, gets into bed with the eunuch, but they don't show anything. And Jared Leto's the one he's supposed to be in love with, but all they really do is exchange longing glances."

"In A HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD, he, like, kisses that guy a dozen times," I said.

"I know, in that one, Colin was completely getting his mack on," Marley said. "In ALEXANDER, he barely even kisses the eunuch."

"I'm so glad they kept in the nudity," I said.

"Yeah," Marley said.

"I'm SO there this weekend," I said.