Monday, November 13, 2006

It says nothing to me about my life.

My friend Kurt, who worships The Smiths, used to write vague statements on his blog when he couldn't think of anything else to say. I'm tired of staring at the same page on my blog, but I honestly don't know what I should write you all next. And I'm not sure I want to write much on this anymore. Frankly, the blog just doesn't do it for me anymore.

So I thought I would write you one of those vague statements.

I'm not dead.
I'm not sad.
I'm not in trouble.
I don't need encouragement.
I don't need comfort.
Nobody did anything to me.
I'm just not here.
Not now.

I've left the blog before.
I left when I wanted to concentrate on other writing.
I left when I wanted to focus on a boyfriend.
I left when I just didn't want to hear from someone.
Now it just feels like something I don't do anymore.
Maybe I'm just not as interesting as I used to be or as nice or as open or as happy or as funny or as extroverted or as egotistical or as apologetic or as showy or as social or as wounded or as crazy or as young.
Maybe I've just forgotten the rules of grammar.

Now, no one entry feels like it would be big enough or good enough.
I can't just say I'm reading this book or that I enjoyed this movie anymore.
It just doesn't feel like enough.
As for my writing, I want it to be more than this.

I'm fine.
I'm good.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for three years.

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