Disconnected.

I was just telling Vic about how I ended up at her house tonight. My only real task for Saturday was to pick up my paycheck at my bookstore, which I did early. And the rest of the day, unfortunately, I just sorta wandered.

From my bookstore, I went to deposit my check. I made some phone calls.

I ended up at Kacoon's bookstore, trying to find her, but she wasn't there and wasn't answering her phone. I also left a message for my friend CJ, whom I haven't spoken to in months, and I tried to call Black.

So I went to the Gwinnett Barnes & Noble to see if my friend Michael O'Kelley was working there, but he was off today. There, I called Kurt on the phone, but I only spoke to him for a couple minutes.

Then, since I was heading in this direction anyway - and because the rental car drives really well, I ended up at my old bookstore, the Barnes & Noble at Mall of Georgia, where I chatted with some of my old co-workers and discovered that a new batch of my old friends have left the place.

I had lunch with Darren, my old manager, and we caught up like we always do - giving the list of people we know in common and updating it accordingly. I don't really know Darren that well. We don't have much in common, except for the bookstore.

I walked to the movie theater around 6 p.m. and bought a ticket for a sneak preview of TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE, which caused me to laugh out loud while sitting by myself in a section near the front of the theater, apart from the crowd. It's a very funny movie.

And I ended up at Vic's for another Black & White Night. (This time, we rented IN COLD BLOOD with Robert Blake and made s'mores.)

Anyway, that's what I did.

How I feel about what I did is what's bugging me. I don't feel particularly close to anyone these days. I mean, I still have my great friends and all, but they're leading lives now that don't really involve me. I don't really belong anymore.

I've not seen my father in weeks. I've separated myself from my mother and stepfather because I don't feel like that's a particularly safe place for me to be. I don't feel like I can call either of the guys I've spent nights with over the past couple months, for I fear it would be awkward - or worse that I would be bothering them or attempting to forge something emotional with them that I know isn't really there. Many of my friends I'm separated from by geography, others by circumstance. I remember, before I moved from Buford, that I used to speak to Kacoon and CJ almost every day. I don't even feel like I'm part of the trivia team anymore. Or my other blogger friends, even. Even Jonathan.

Things are different now. With my closer friends, we've progressed and managed, in the process, to separate from one another - which was bound to happen sometime.

But I don't feel rooted in the places that I've moved on to. And I don't yet feel like I belong anywhere now. It's like I'm in a transition, but I have no idea where I'm going or if there's somewhere new I need to be.

Bookstore-hopping should maybe be a warning sign to me in the future. I went to four stores, and I didn't buy one thing.

Oh, and if I have your phone number in my cell phone's memory, check your messages. I probably called you today.