Kissing McFall.

I was supposed to see THE LIFE AQUATIC with Ron yesterday, but I got stuck in horrible, horrible traffic on the way there and missed him. I didn't have my phone on me, and, by the time I got to the theater, I was in a lousy mood.

So, of course, that was the exact moment that fate drew me into another random McFall encounter.

Have I mentioned McFall before? Oh yeah, I mentioned him here.

McFall is a guy I met four-and-a-half years ago at Phipps Plaza. He was attending a screening of "Queer as Folk" (the British one) that was in the middle of an intermission, and I was there browsing in a store when I ran into him.

And we flirted. And flirted. And flirted.

So, a couple days later, I called him, and we were going to go out. But, um, we never did. He was 19, I think, and flighty and in school and on the go. And I was 24, worked for CNN and went to bed at 9 p.m. because my work schedule was freakin' bizarre.

Then I got caught up in that whole Ejay romantic debacle, and I lost my job. And I had to move home to my mom's house. And all that stuff.

Basically, McFall, at the time, was a lost cause.

Fast-forward into 2001, and my co-worker Jamie and I are having lunch at Perimeter Mall. I turn around on the escalator down to the food court, and standing right behind me is McFall.

"He-e-ey," I said to him. "How are you?"

He told me he was fine. And he told me that he was glad I had noticed him because he'd been following me since Rich's to try and make sure that it was me. He'd followed me across half the freakin' mall.

So he buys me lunch, talks to Jamie, flirts with me, flirts with me, flirts with me ... and then drops the shocking bombshell that - uh - he has a boyfriend.

I was confused. Jamie, who'd been sitting there the whole time, was confused. Everyone, except McFall, was in a state of basic confusion.

"Did it seem like he was flirting with me to you?" I asked Jamie later that afternoon.

"Uh, YEAH," she said. "I couldn't believe he had a boyfriend."

So, as soon as I get to my office, I call McFall's cell phone, and he answers it.

So I ask him point-blank if he was flirting with me, telling him that I kept getting a vibe.

He admitted the vibe was there, admitted that he had a boyfriend and then told me that the three of us ought to meet sometime.

So my wires weren't crossed.

So thus begins the "McFall and I play phone tag for a year before I realize I'm calling him more than he's calling me, and that makes me feel creepy so I stop calling him" phase of our relationship.

So, around 2002, McFall changes jobs from some computer company to the Apple Store and had begun the second of many breakups with the boyfriend, and he lets me know that he works there. So I stop by.

And it's, like, crickets-chirping awkwardness between us. He's not in flirt mode. He doesn't want me there. I'm there too long. He's working and distant.

Bad vibe all around.

So I lose touch with McFall, and all's well that ends well, right?

Until earlier this year when I run into him at a grocery store when he and his friend stand right behind me in line, and he kinda flirts with me - but now he's really done with the boyfriend. He's there shopping with a friend.

So the friend goes to get the car, and McFall and I flirt for a bit. And I give him my phone number, even though I make a point of saying that he NEVER calls me when I give him my phone number.

And, in the moment before his friend drives the car around, I said to McFall, "You know, I never even kissed you."

McFall tells me not to because it'd be awkward and his friend is coming with the car, and the friend pulls up.

And I call McFall, but he doesn't call me.

Then, about four months ago, I walk into Best Buy, and McFall's there, working in the computer department. And I pick up my DVDs, and I talk to him for a moment. I make a conscious effort not to stay too long or talk to him too much.

And he's there at Best Buy when I go shop, but I don't shop there any more than I would otherwise.

I'm thinking that the H.M.S. McFall is a ship that's passed me by, you know, and all that it will be is all that it is. And it annoys me. McFall, whom I am attracted to and have never not been attracted to, is just this guy I run into occasionally, and, much as I'm happy to see him when we run into each other, it doesn't lead to anything. And that's annoying.

So then, last night, I'm an hour-and-a-half late for the screening, and McFall is standing outside the theater, holding his cell phone.

And McFall sees me and smiles. His whole face gets bright.

And I spit out a "Hi" and rush past him into the theater.

I get to the screening, show them the pass into it (because I had it and Ron didn't) and rush into it.

It's packed, and I go up and down the aisles twice.

And, I'm thinking, Ron would call to me if he were here. Ron would be looking for me if he were here.

And I don't have my phone on me, and Ron's cell number is from Massachusetts - and I have it saved so I don't have to remember it.

So I leave the screening, leave my name with the ticket-taker lady and go ask the usher if they have a pay phone.

He says they don't. And I ask if I can use their regular phone, and they say they don't let customers do that - because very few of their phone lines aren't internal and go out of the building. And he says Apres Diem, the restaurant next door, "used to have a pay phone but doesn't now."

And I spit out, "That's great, thank you ..." like a bastard, and I head out of there.

And I'm thinking Ron's mad at me. And he's thinking I stood him up. And he's probably thinking that I'm somehow mad at him since I've been moody around him lately. So it's more important to get to Ron. Beyond that, it's important to check my messages to see what he said when he surely tried to call me.

So I go past McFall, and he asks me if everything's OK. And I tell him no, saying that traffic was terrible and it put me in a bad mood and that the person I was supposed to meet probably left the theater.

And I start to walk away, then I turn around and ask him curtly if I can use his phone.

He says yes.

But McFall's got this newfangled cell phone with a keyboard, and it takes two phone calls before I'm able to check my messages. And one message is from Ron telling me to call him tomorrow to explain what happened, that he's left the movie because he didn't have the pass.

The other message on my cell phone, incidentally, was a recording of me and McFall trying to figure out if the phone was letting me check my messages.

McFall was there for the same screening. Someone invited him who didn't show up, so I tell him that traffic was terrible.

And he's moving back and forth, and he's pointing out cute guys to me.

He apologizes for the constant moving, saying he was cold, and he apologizes for the pointing but then he told me that he's single and always looking.

And the people he was supposed to be with didn't show up.

And he says that he's not waiting on a date, and he asked me if I was waiting on a date. And I told him no, that Ron has a husband and is just a friend.

And I looked like a mess in all likelihood.

But I say to him, "Look at me."

But McFall keeps swaying back and forth.

And I say, "Look at me."

I must've looked just awful, and I don't even know about my breath.But I did this anyway.

In front of the Landmark movie theater, in between the two brick columns, in the freezing cold weather, while we were supposed to be with other people, five minutes after the movie we were supposed to see had started and over four years after I first asked him out on a date, I kiss McFall. And he kisses me back. But only for a moment.

"That's why you wanted me to look at you," he says.

"I was going to make it one of those spontaneous moments," I say, "But you wouldn't stop moving."

"Well, I'm cold," McFall says.

So we talk a couple minutes more, but I tell him that I've got to get to my phone, get to Ron and fix this whole mistake.

"I'm going home," I said to him.

"Well, I can't go there," he said.

"No, you can't," I said.

And he raises an eyebrow and asked, "Why can't I?"

Because I've got to get to my phone, and I'm going to drive to Ron's and try and catch him there.

And McFall says he'll wait on his friends there five more minutes.

So McFall gets my phone number, even though I try to flatly refuse giving it to him because the man does not call me.

And he asks me for it again because he says he's got his phone right there and will save it.

And I'm, like, "Dude, you don't call me. I gave you my phone number four years ago."

But then I give him my phone number because I like McFall.

"And I said, if they don't show up, I'll be in the area," I said, "CALL ME."

"OK," he said, smiling.

"I mean, CALL ME TODAY," I said.

And then I left and went home and got my phone and tried to call Ron and didn't get him on the phone.

So I headed to his house. And I apologized and explained. And he berated me for not having my phone on me, calling it irresponsible.

And I said, "I had to kiss a guy just to check my messages, and I went down the aisles of the movie theater three times. The lady at the door still has your name in case you turn up looking for me."

And we sat and watched WEST WING. And Ron gave me my Christmas present.

And I realized that I left my phone in my car.

Once I left there and got back in my car, there was a message from McFall, which he left at 9 p.m.

It said, "You're probably begging your friend for forgiveness right now, but I was calling you ..."

And I called McFall back, and I got his voicemail. And I apologized for being a bastard but thanked him for letting me use his phone.

And, then, in the back of my head, I'm thinking, "New Year's kiss ..."

But I'm not allowed to think those things about McFall. Because, when I do, fate bites me on the ass.